I have a colleague at work who has a reputation for being cheap. Their cheapness is a bit of a running joke. People dread having this person as their ‘secret Santa’ because they will typically find some old bit of rubbish lying around the office, wrap it (often in newspaper, or cooking foil or whatever else is lying around) and present it as a gift. When someone organises a dinner out, this person will routinely turn up an hour late to avoid paying for their own meal, but with the intention of hoovering up the leftovers.

The problem with this kind of frugality is that it often comes across as selfish. When a group is splitting the bill, turning up just late enough to avoid contributing is a problem. When others are spending money on a gift, being the only one who doesn’t hit the recommended spend (usually about $20) creates bad feeling. To me this is the line between being frugal and being cheap.

In my workplace, many laugh off this behaviour as a joke or personality quirk, but more than a few associate this behaviour with selfishness, disorganisation, irresponsibility and a lack of social skills. It’s the kind of reputation I would want to avoid at my work place. In someways I respect this person for saving money and not spending unnecessarily on social niceties. However, I would find it very embarrassing if my own frugality ever came across as rude or selfish.

This creates a problem. How can I be frugal and pursue FIRE without creating a negative reputation for myself?

It turns out that no one thinks about you and your behaviour as much as you do. People pay far less attention to you than you think. When I really, consciously committed to FIRE I was prepared for others to notice. Between January 2020 and January 2021 I cut my personal spending by half. I’d already mentally run through a few conversations of how to explain when people noticed this pattern. I was budgeting for having to put aside extra money in order to attend work dinners, buy suitably luxurious gifts and attend expensive birthday events. I need not have worried. None of that was necessary.

Rather than be like my ‘cheap’ colleague, I found it far easier to dodge expensive dinners by arranging to meet for drinks after. I’ve bought several gifts for people since beginning FIRE, and while I haven’t gone for ‘homemade’ (because of my lack of crafty skills), I’ve found that by taking the time to put together gifts which are obviously thoughtful, no one has noticed that I didn’t spend very much. For example, by buying some pretty but inexpensive glassware and taking it to someone who offers calligraphy services, I was able to create a personalised gift, which, when combined with a mid-range bottle of wine and carefully wrapped made a beautiful birthday present. When I looked at the end product I was certain that no one would ever look at it and think that I hadn’t spent enough. It turns out that making an effort is almost always more appreciated than expense.

Although I had never thought of myself as a ‘keeping up with the Joneses’ type of person, looking back I have used this mentality to excuse some of my bad spending habits. I imagined people cared more than they really did if I wasn’t seen to be out spending money in a similar way to them. The truth is, most people are too focused on their own world to care. Spending money because you imagine other people expect you to is dumb, and it only gets dumber when you realise that no one is paying any attention to your spending habits anyway.